The Mighty CE is Civilisation!

More Seppuku = Less Samurai

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Chun Li's from Canada
Like many people that grew up as Street Fighter did, I loved that game. I played it a great deal at arcades, but in the end I waited for it to come out on consoles so that I wouldn’t have to pay outlandish prices in order to learn how to do a dragon punch. My favourite character was Blanka, because he was bright green, raised in the jungle, and bit people in the face. That’s pretty much how I wanted to live my life.

Later, as I realised that eating bugs in the jungle wasn’t as hakuna matata as some people claimed it was, I stopped playing Blanka and instead turned to playing Chun Li. At first this was because looking at Chun Li gave me strange feelings that I didn’t understand. I would often pause the game and struggle with puberty. As I braved and conquered those physiological changes I found out that she was a really good choice for multi-player, unless you wanted to maintain your friendships. She was nigh on unbeatable, with massively powerful kicks, head stomps, wall jumps that could send another character dizzy within a few blows. I was strictly forbidden from playing her, with my social group stating that it was vaguely homosexual to choose a female character when you’re male. Instead they insisted that I choose one of the exceptionally muscular men wearing very little clothing in order to reaffirm my sexuality in their eyes.

Those were good, if not confusing, times, and as a result of them I have great fondness for Street Fighter games. When Street Fighter IV came out just recently I was pretty excited. I picked up a controller in one store and proceeded to finish the demo using Chun Li within a short period of time, laughing with delight as the same moves from the past worked the same way in the new version. People in the store began to give me strange looks, so I picked Ryu in order to reassert that I was indeed heterosexual.

So, you can imagine my excitement at the idea of a movie called, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. Out of interest I looked up a few reviews on the movie and they unanimously declared that the film should be put on trail for crimes against humanity. Being frightfully optimistic I looked at the trailer anyway, and found that they were probably right. Another thing I found was the casting.

Chun Li is not a hard role to cast. She’s probably the easiest character to dress up with for a great many people, as in order to look like her you have to be Asian and capable of putting your hair in buns. Probably female, too. In any case, a whole bunch of cosplayers have managed to do it pretty convincingly in the past:

From this position I am incapable of defending myself. Fear me!

These oversized bracelets tire me the fuck out!

See? Easy done. Cast either of those two girls, put them in the outfit, and make a million dollars as people come through the door to see her spin upside down kicking people. They both look the part.

Instead of going with someone like that, Kristin Kreuk was cast as Chun Li. She’s the least Asian looking Asian in the world:

I fight for racial hegemony!

Seriously, what the fuck? I’ve seen black people that look more Asian than she does!

Some General Tso’s Fried Chicken, please.

Hollywood really needs to get its shit together regarding Asia. They’re losing a lot of money due to racism like this.

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My favourite is triple cheese.

Good, you can have that heart attack sooner and do us all a favour lol

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